When I was younger, I thought that my parents were boring people. They seemed to have no hobbies of their own. And even if they did mention any particular interests, they would only go so far as to mention it, or maybe watch some youtube videos on the subject. I never got to see them practise any of their said hobbies, no matter how often they spoke of them, which wasn’t very often anyway. I came to the conclusion as a child that they were simply uninteresting people who did not have a life outside of work.
Once, my father had brought up that he was interested in playing the violin. He said he enjoyed the timbre of the instrument. I remember asking him, why not buy one to fiddle around with. It wasn’t out of our budget anyways, and my suggestion was met with vehement opposition. He gave me some obsure reason like there isnt enough time, or that it seemed like too much trouble. And very quickly, the topic of conversation would be redirected towards me. “what did you have for lunch today?”; “who are your friends?”; “what did you learn in school today?”.
In some ways I kind of resented them for behaving this way. I felt that they were living vicariously through me, and had no contribution of their own towards living a meaningful life. I wished that they had their own hobbies and passions that could inspire me. I wished that they had their own friends instead of asking about mine. I wished that me progressing through school wasn’t the only source of dynamism or progress in our lives.
Looking back, I’m actually pretty grateful that they are parents that actually take an interest in the lives of their children. But as an angsty teenager I simply wasn’t ready for that kind of spotlight being cast upon me. It felt like a heavy responsibility, to sustain conversations around the dinner table with my life. It felt unfair as well, it felt like I was used to breathe life into conversations, that I had to share my experiences not because anyone was genuinely interested in those experiences, but only so that my parents can use my life as a sort of escapism from the drudge of their routine.
Privileged youth.
Privileged youth is what I was. Without having to fend for myself, to make a living and sustain my finances, I was free to explore hobbies and waste as much time as I wanted in ways that I considered “interesting”.
I’ve only recent begun to work full time, and it’s a humbling experience. It’s rare to find a job that one can truly be passionate about. Most of us are paid to care about things that we don’t truly give a damn about, so that we have enough money to support the things that really matter, such as family, etc. And I can kind of see how after a period of time of living this lifestyle, one can end up sacrificing their hobbies and a huge fraction of their personality, in order to support a family.
To have a successful career, it’s necessary to be responsible and take ownership of the business structures/units that you are a part of, no matter how meaningless the work itself is.
Upon reflection, it does make sense now that my parents derive most of their satisfaction in life from me. It isn’t that they are choosing to rely on me for entertainment, or that they are simply just boring people, but that they have chosen to sacrifice most of their time to corporate machinery, so that I can have the opportunity to live on my own terms.
To get what you really want, you need to sacrifice what feels good.
At my current age, I find myself wanting the things that my parents already have, a successful career, financial freedom, a lifelong partner, children, etc. And attempting to achieve these things, I realise how difficult they are.
And ironically, while grinding for those objectives, I find myself becoming the same boring people that I used to look down upon. To perform well in the corporate world, having a personality is almost inefficient, unless the job itself relies on your personality to be charismatic, in which case instead of losing your personality, you are forced to have a specific type of sunny disposition that benefits the company and the role you are in. But for most I think I can safely say that they shave the edges off themselves until they fit more snugly in the role that they play in the office.
This is a common experience amongst us young adults. I see this happening to my friends as well. The funniest people I know, the most depraved, the quirkiest, most unique people have all been washed out into a common narrative, fending for themselves in society.
Appreciation
Appreciation is all I have left, for my parents, as well as the millions of anonymous hard workers out there who have given up their own interests and hedonistic pleasures, to support their family. Some may say that it is a sign of opression, that so many of us lose so much of ourselves when we journey into adulthood and enter into a structure that forces us to be a certain way. Perhaps it may be so, but I think there is nobility in the sacrifice that is made, that enjoyable things can be given up for pursuits that are more meaningful.
tossyturny 